Three weeks ago when I wrote my last blog. God had reminded me about the constancy of His goodness. Two days later my second mom, mentor, counselor, ardent supporter of all my dreams, and the pastor of my church died…suddenly. Ever since, I have been in a thick fog. I have not felt pain this excruciating in decades. Grieving for me has manifested in physical pain. I can pray for and encourage others, but my soul is stubborn in its refusal to be comforted.
I have been trying my best to process this enormous weight of grief as best as I can. Immediately before that I had been intentional in my pursuit of intimacy with God. Consequently, I was soaking in worship, prayer and the word. It had been some time since I had tuned in to some T. D. Jakes’ messages. Nevertheless each day I would go to YouTube and there would be a message that was the word I needed that day. Since mom’s passing, I haven’t listened to any sermons really. I have been trying to worship and pray but honestly it has been much of a struggle. Irritability and depression knock persistently on my mind’s door. Yes, I am not grieving as one without hope, but I am still grieving. The good thing about grieving is that it forces you to look within yourself. We start to clean house and during the immediacy of it, we think of all the things we must do to ensure that when that moment comes for us, everything is in order. The bad thing about grieving is that it forces you to look within. We begin to overthink, overanalyze, isolate and we are on edge because nothing makes sense.
This morning I posted a snippet about discerning your season. I reminded myself and you Cerebrites, that if there is a season that means there is an end. After I encouraged everyone, I was still struggling with a particular thing. I decided it was in my best interest to stop thinking about it, talking about it and praying about it. Thankfully God has a word. And yes sometimes my mind is bordered by an impermeable membrane and as such nothing can enter by passive diffusion or osmosis. Active transport doesn’t work either (Yes I am a nerd and I am proud of my nerdiness). However, God has a word. He always has the right word and the right mechanism by which to get the word inside of us.
So here I am about to cook and I decided to go to YouTube and lift my spirit with some worship. God had other plans, He positioned the word that He wanted me to hear, right at the top. And yes, it was another T. D. Jakes message. He was talking about discerning your season and reminded me that no matter how long the season seems or is, there is an end. In fact he titled the sermon “God Knows When!” It was almost as if God was saying, since the video you saw earlier this week on instagram about right timing, the very snippet I inspired you to write, nor the conversations you had this morning haven’t gone through. Let me open up this impermeable membrane and place a channel in it, then get the word in. Upon the completion of the message my only reaction was, you know, God, You always have a word. When I finished cooking and got ready to do this blog, I got it in my heart that not only does God always have a word…He always has the right word. In my fog I had forgotten all the seeds of encouragement He had been planting in my soul, day after day after day for almost two weeks. Pain will cause you to forget a lot of things. All you keep focusing on is how much it hurts. There is pain and then there is pain. The kind that eradicates your focus and drive. The kind that sends you spiralling regardless of how strong your faith is. The kind of pain that no amount of the most potent analgesic can anaesthetise. But, as God reminded me today, let me remind you, He has a word for your pain. The right word!
Will you allow Him to speak that right word over your mind, soul, body and life?
GMW
P.S. Our second blogi-versary is only a few days away. The competition is still on. However, there will be no live on instagram. Instead I will post a video announcing the winner, if there is one, along with some other things I can hardly wait to tell you.